(Clearwisdom.net) In this article, I would like to report to Teacher my experience of getting rid of my attachment of selfishness, improving my "xinxing" and raising myself through the process of helping an older fellow practitioner.
In the past I had the strong attachment of selfishness and only considered myself when doing things. I cared little about others as long as I got what I wanted. At the same time, I had another hidden attachment. I thought Fa-rectification was nearing the end and there was not much time left for us. Therefore I was unwilling to put others' interests at a higher priority than my own. I always said to myself, "Whoever cultivates gong will obtain gong. I should cultivate myself well. Although I can help others, I can only do so on the condition that I do not affect my own time and arrangement." I was acquainted with several senior practitioners and I knew from the beginning that it was Teacher who arranged for me to cultivate with them and help them. However, I set preconditions to helping others--I always put my own personal gain as a top priority. I studied the Fa and practiced the exercises every day at home, made truth-clarifying materials and then went out to distribute them. I made a very tight schedule for myself, thinking that this way I could raise my cultivation level. My attachments to time and to self became very strong yet I did not realize it. I still thought I was being diligent in my cultivation. With such strong attachments, I could not concentrate on my Fa study and could not feel the power while sending forth righteous thoughts (I had felt power while sending forth righteous thoughts before). I have now come to realize that it was Teacher giving me hints that I should not go on like that. However, I was hindered by my own strong selfishness and could not realize my attachments.
I did not realize my problem until a senior fellow practitioner I knew was hospitalized this March with leg pain. She did not have other practitioners living near her whom she could contact. I was the only one to share cultivation experiences with her. Because our homes were far apart, I was worried that my experience sharing with her was wasting too much time. Also, she had a lot of human notions and attachments and did not have a sound understanding of the Fa. Her family members were not practitioners so her home environment was not very friendly, causing her a lot of interference. Due to all these factors, I was really reluctant to go to her place to share cultivation experiences and understanding of the Fa. Normally I went to her place about once every 20 days or more. But I still felt it was a waste of my time. I said in my mind, "You are not diligent in your own cultivation and put so much emphasis on your ordinary life. Whoever cultivates gong will obtain gong. I cannot afford to be negatively affected by you. I'll come to your home to help you anyway, but it will be up to you whether you can improve or not." I lacked a sense of responsibility. Due to a lack of contact and help from fellow practitioners, she went to the hospital when she could not endure the pain in her leg.
I was shocked when I first heard about her being hospitalized. Teacher has taught us,
"In these situations your conduct should always show Dafa disciples' tolerance, kindness, and niceness. The next person's things are your things, and your things are his things. We don't talk about the "unity" everyday people do, which is a forced, superficial thing. You are cultivators, and your realms are higher. So in your many projects your actions should reflect an understanding of others, an ability to listen to people's opinions, and an ability to gauge what's right and what's wrong by using Dafa. " (Teaching the Fa at the Washington, D.C. Fa Conference, July 22, 2002)
I have studied these teachings countless times. Only this time did it touch my heart. I cannot express how sad I felt. I felt I had disappointed Teacher because I did not do well. I did not care about others due to my strong attachment of selfishness. Now my fellow practitioner was hospitalized. It made me realize it was the persecution of my fellow practitioner by the evil and should not be acknowledged. I definitely should not let it be. I must act immediately to change my cultivation level. I should get rid of the attachment of selfishness. Teacher wants us disciples of the Fa-rectification period to become enlightened beings with a righteous awakening of selflessness and altruism. Being so selfish, how could I be such a disciple? How far away was I from the requirements of the Fa!
I rushed to the hospital to see her and talked to her about my thoughts. I admitted that I did not do well in my cultivation. Then we analyzed her situation together and she realized that she was suffering severe interference and persecution, which might even aim at taking her life. No matter what the medical examination said, we agreed that it was an illusion and could not be trusted or even acknowledged. In the end she came to the enlightenment and said, "I am not ill. I will go home right now." Then she completed all the necessary paperwork and was released from the hospital.
After she got home, her situation did not change much from when she was in the hospital. Seeing this, I was very worried. Wasn't she still suffering evil interference? What should I do? At this time, I knew clearly that it was my responsibility to help senior fellow practitioners and it was arranged by Teacher for me to do so. I had not done it well before and now I must take responsibility. I started to think hard about what I could do to help her.
I told her that she had to keep her main consciousness predominant and clear up all types of interference while strengthening her Fa study and sending forth righteous thoughts. But due to interferences, she would forget the formula as soon as she started sending forth righteous thoughts and her mind would become blank. So I wrote down the words for sending forth righteous thoughts on a piece of paper and had her read it whenever she had time, to strengthen her main consciousness. In this way, before long she changed her state. She could then concentrate while studying the Fa and she could remember the formula for sending forth righteous thoughts. The effect of her sending forth righteous thoughts became much better. Thus her painful symptoms started to disappear. Seeing her transformation, I felt so happy for her. I told her, "You should study the Fa more and keep up your current status. Do not slack off and loosen your standards." I also make it a regular habit of visiting her once a week, forming a two-person Fa study group and a good cultivation environment.
In the past, I did not fully and clearly realize that this is truly cultivation. I thought that visiting this practitioner was something I must do and my responsibility. However, I did not consider it as part of my personal cultivation. Teacher taught us a long time ago,
"Even though you are a Dafa disciple, your work in society isn't cultivation, but your cultivation will be reflected in your work in society." (Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005)
As a cultivator, we should consider anything happening in our lives as cultivation. If we conduct ourselves as cultivators at any moment and treat everything as part of our cultivation, we can improve ourselves quickly in our cultivation and won't leave anything undone behind us. We should combine Fa study with daily cultivation. Only then is it true cultivation.
Ever since then, I have rearranged my time. I have overcome the difficulties of long distance and a tight personal schedule to help my fellow practitioner. I can now deal with various states of her cultivation without getting anxious or feeling bothered. Now I can patiently sit down with her and study the Fa together and share our cultivation experiences.
Practitioners should let go of the notion of self, do things according to the requirements of Teacher, help each other and form one body to achieve the ideal state of improving together. I know I must get rid of the attachment of selfishness. I no longer think about what I can do to reach my personal, selfish goals. I just seize the time to study the Fa well and do the three things well. When it is time to visit my fellow practitioner, I treat it seriously and prepare well for it. For example, while studying the Fa I write down the teachings that I consider pertinent to her situation. While reading Clearwisdom.net, I print out articles that will be helpful for her and read them to her during my visit. To better help her do the three things, I think about various methods to involve her in truth-clarifying activities to save sentient beings, including making truth-clarifying materials. For example, I take envelopes to her so that she can stuff them, stamp and seal them; I take her freshly printed parts of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party that she can fold and bind into books. She is happy to do these things and she does them with care. Also, these things are very suitable for her abilities. This way I can provide her with the necessary conditions for to play her role in the process of truth clarification and saving sentient beings.
After this period of time, I found my cultivation state had undergone a big change. Now I can measure myself according to the requirements of the Fa and apply a strict standard to myself. I have gotten rid of a lot of the attachment of selfishness and my heart's volume has increased. At the same time, the three things are not negatively affected. When I study the Fa, the law and principles in the book are manifested to me frequently. I can keep a diligent cultivation state without slacking off. My time management is more efficient, reasonable and effective. And I cherish more the "precious beyond measure" time that Teacher has left for us.
From my personal experiences, I have realized that every step along my cultivation path cannot be walked without the guidance of the Fa. Without the guidance of the Fa, I am just a selfish person. It is benevolent Teacher who looks after me, nurtures me, and gives me hints about my cultivation. Teacher helps me improve and advance in my xinxing cultivation, do everything smoothly and successfully, and do everything better and better.
In the last stage of the Fa-rectification period, I will do my best to save sentient beings, do everything I should do, and accomplish my historic mission. I will not disappoint Teacher and will not fail to fulfill the expectations of his benevolent salvation.
