On November 20^th, I was in Tiananmen Square. I went to help my fellow practitioners. I went to help the deceived innocent Chinese people and I also went to quench a buried notion that conquering my fear and completing this heroic mission would surely raise my self cultivation up a huge step. I felt if I could really do something great for Dafa, then I could catch up and make up for my lack of diligence during the past months of Fa-rectification.

I have been home for two months now and I find my cultivation state is right back to where it was before I left.

I still have fear and create all kinds of excuses for not doing things for the Fa-rectification in my daily life. In my own environment I can safely go out to talk to people and help change their attitudes, yet do I? I can freely go and distribute flyers in Chinatown but have I taken those steps? How many times do I give in to the evil here in the comfort of my everyday life? How many times do I wake up in the morning and then hit the snooze button and fall back asleep rather than getting up to study the Fa right then and there? How many times do I say, "Tomorrow I will go to Chinatown and give out flyers?"

When I got off the plane from Tiananmen Square I was greeted by many of my fellow practitioners. Some female practitioners gave me beautiful bouquets of flowers with tears in their eyes. These same practitioners are the ones who stood outside in Chinatown every day for the last year passing out flyers regardless of rain, snow, heat or cold. I felt so unworthy to receive flowers from these practitioners for whom I had so much respect because of their solid dedication and determined hearts.

After Master's Florida lecture I realized that I had lost a lot of time and that I could never make up for my lack of Fa study and the things I had slacked off on. I also realized I was attached to time. I felt that time was running out so I looked around for big things to do for the Fa and also for my own selfish attachment of reaching consummation. The fact is, the reason I felt I was running out of time was because I had wasted so much time not being diligent in my everyday cultivation in the first place. I learned that cultivation is a process and it is the process of cultivation that makes a mature and tempered Fa-rectification disciple. My pursuit of great achievements did not make up for my lack of solid steps in my cultivation.

Master said in Florida,

"Let me tell you, all those who remain and that can persecute Dafa and Dafa disciples are due to our students themselves. Students who haven't taken sending forth righteous thoughts seriously: the evil in the dimensions that you are supposed to shoulder and be responsible for has not been eliminated. That's the cause. So you must take sending forth righteous thoughts seriously...From another perspective, since how well each person does in the process of his cultivation, his improvement, and his understanding, and how well he does in the Fa-rectification is directly related to his own cultivation, and also directly related to the level he has elevated to, Master cannot require too much of you. I'm only telling you its importance. How far a person wants to cultivate to and what realm a person wants to reach are his own business. Master can only tell you the importance of sending forth righteous thoughts."

Every day I am met with serious and sacred tests. But do I treat these tests as seriously and as sacred as going to Tiananmen Square? It is the strengthening of my righteous thoughts that are most important. However, do I constantly and persistently look inside at every thought I have to see if it is righteous or not? When I feel lazy or fearful do I catch those demons and eliminate them and step forward with wisdom and rationality? Do I treat the awareness of my everyday thoughts as seriously, or even more so as if I were getting ready to walk into Tiananmen Square? These thoughts are what will make or break my cultivation and help or hinder Master with Fa-rectification. I have learned that I must treat the smallest things in my everyday cultivation and every thought in my everyday life with the highest importance and the most seriousness. Then as I study the Fa anything I choose to do for the Fa, big or small, will be done by a responsible, mature and tempered Dafa disciple. Otherwise I may invite a lot of trouble and may seriously damage the Fa's reputation.

I have also learned that when I base any decision on wanting to conquer fear I am using an ordinary human mentality plagued by demons to sway me back and forth. If I decide to go I will worry if I am doing the right thing. If I decide to stay I will worry if I have made the right decision to stay. Either way it is a selfish motivation that could potentially be used by the evil to cause damage to the Fa. I must use my righteous thoughts to eliminate the fear and base all my decisions on my understanding of the Fa.

In "Eliminate your last attachments" Master said,

"Nonetheless however much a cultivator puts forth in cultivation practice, that much he will obtain when he reaches consummation...Take every step well and don't tarnish what you have already attained. Let the part of you that has been fully cultivated shine with an even purer brilliance."

In Florida Master said,

"No matter how difficult your environment is, no matter how busy you get, you cannot forget to study the Fa. You must study the Fa, because it is the absolute, most fundamental guarantee of your improvement...As long as you study, any problem can be solved. As long as you cultivate and as long as you're able to understand the Fa from the Fa, there's nothing you can't achieve."

I am determined to shoulder my responsibilities during the remaining Fa-rectification, no matter how long it takes, so I can be worthy of being called a mature and tempered Fa rectification disciple and help Master with all my ability right to the very end.