(Clearwisdom.net) Lately, I found that some of my behaviors in the ordinary world have strengthened the power of evil forces. My behavior led people to think that the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) was unconquerable. It was as if I stood by the evil, on the opposite side of Dafa. I did not exhibit behavior appropriate for a practitioner, nor was I doing what I should to save sentient beings.
Let me give an example. For safety reasons, there are things that should only be discussed amongst practitioners. However, I was not clear on this and talked about such things with family members who are non-practitioners. I had asked my family to keep safety in mind when speaking on the telephone, and to not mention my whereabouts. My human mindset made me fear getting caught and being persecuted. On the surface, I was very careful and prudent. However, my righteous thoughts became less and less. I did not conduct myself as a cultivator. I refrained from going outside. If there appeared to be anything suspicious, I hurriedly escaped with overwhelming anxiety. Sometimes, I couldn't eat or sleep well, suspecting something bad would happen. My mental state was worse than that of a non-practitioner. A Dafa practitioner should do better. In that mental state, I could not concentrate on studying the Fa, my righteous thoughts were weak, I was afraid of doing the exercises, not to mention clarifying the truth. In fact, I was controlled by fear of being pursued to be persecuted, and I sank in darkness. Under the fearful atmosphere created by the evil, I lived in disgrace.
I suddenly understood that I chose to have fear, so fear was always with me, and I wouldn't let it go. To get to the bottom of this, I looked inside. It was not its fault, but mine. I did not conduct myself in a rational manner, nor did I see the difference between good and evil in accordance to the Fa.
Similarly, we might choose the following: human lust and desire, eagerness to argue whether we are right or wrong, a bad temperament, the state of sleepiness, wasting time for no good reason, succumbing to having been good or bad in the past, and a lack of self-discipline to do the three things well. I was the one who was choosing the wicked beings and creatures in the cosmos so that they could affect me." If you are not afraid, the factor that would make you afraid will cease to exist." ("Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)," in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
An idea without righteousness must be wicked. Having such thoughts is the same as supplying blood to the evil forces, as well as standing alongside the evil forces, becoming part of them. If we don't let go of the root of attachments, but instead allow it to exist and grow--thereby sustaining the same mindset, we are supplying power to the evil forces. "Good or evil comes from a person's spontaneous thought." ("Lecture Four" in Zhuan Falun, 2000 translation version) This kind of choice comes from one's spontaneous thought. One decides what he wants. The key is which path one takes. If his thoughts are not righteous, he might walk down an evil path.
The interference and tests we face are not to help us, but to destroy us. The evil forces aim at our human notions to persecute us.
Since this tribulation has occurred, large numbers of sentient beings have been destroyed. Teacher does not acknowledge any of the evil tests, so we should not acknowledge them either. The persecution must stop because we choose to walk down the path arranged by Teacher. We will always choose to walk a righteous path!
The above are my personal understandings, please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
