(Clearwisdom.net) Recently, I have come to a deeper understanding of compassion (Shan). Master said, "Shan is the manifestation of the nature of the universe at different levels and in different dimensions. It is also the fundamental nature of Great Enlightened Beings." ("A Brief Explanation of Shan" in Essentials for Further Advancement) I had not thought much about this in the past and did not consider myself lacking in compassion. But during recent discussions with fellow practitioners, and through constant conflicts within my family, I have come to a better understanding on the cultivation of compassion.

My aunt used to practice Dafa, but later she enlightened along an evil path. For several reasons, my mother, also a practitioner, and I have to live together with my aunt. As a result, many family issues became apparent, among them the most significant one is whether to cultivate Dafa or be enlightened along an evil path. Manipulated by demonic elements in other dimensions, my aunt had deep hatred towards Dafa and practitioners. Simultaneously, my mother and I were very much against her betrayal. In addition, due to different habits and life styles, we had conflicts almost every day. Whenever my mother and I talked about this, we found ourselves stuck in this area and felt helpless, and we could not find a way out.

After a recent major argument, my aunt said she would report my mother to the police [for practicing Falun Gong]. Later, my siblings talked with her and stopped her from doing so. Feeling upset about this, I went to a practitioner's home for group Fa-study. I talked with a fellow practitioner about this before reading Dafa books, and she told me her experience of cultivating compassion amidst family conflicts. Among a family that was nearly broken, because of her continuous efforts of cultivating compassion and broadening the capacity of her heart, all the hatred and complaints were dissolved. Now, there is harmony in her family.

The practitioner pointed out that the reason for these severe family conflicts and my aunt's continuing on the evil path was directly related to the fact that my mother and I failed to cultivate compassion well. Because we did poorly in cultivation, the family environment did not improve and my aunt did not change. Struck by her words, I began to think about the situation seriously.

After calming down and looking within, I realized that, although I had cultivated for more than 10 years, I had not really cultivated compassion, and seldom considered others when doing things. Being the youngest child, I was spoiled and developed bad habits of indifference, selfishness, jealousy, competitiveness and egotism. I did not get rid of them during my cultivation. Therefore, while being polite to other people, I was nearly out of control towards my own family members.

Although my aunt took care of me ever since I was young, she possessed some habits that I disliked. So, I did not really respect her like I was supposed to. I also have this similar situation with other family members. Thinking that I have various strengths that other people do not have, I always feel superior to them. When seeing family members making mistakes, instead of kindly reminding them, I tended to raise my voice and criticize them. Whenever making contributions to the family, I expected people to praise me. When sacrificing a little more for the family, I often felt unbalanced and began to complain.

I also came to understand that my aunt's hatred towards Dafa is actually related to our anger towards those who were enlightened along the evil path and who participated in the persecution. Our anger comes from our personal experience of being persecuted and is directed at the evildoers persecuting Dafa. But we should not have this anger since the persecution comes from the evil old forces in the cosmos.

I felt bad when noticing my stubborn selfishness, as well as all the complaints and anger that existed within myself, even after practicing for more than 10 years. These are things that are deeply buried in me and they are rooted in the selfish nature of the old cosmos. They are also manifestations of the degenerated lives in the old cosmos that have not yet been rectified. I have to disintegrate them fundamentally.

After finding the root cause of the anger, my understanding became much clearer. Looking back at these past few years, I have considered my doing things as cultivation and did not truly cultivate myself. This made me feel guilty. In a recent Fa-lecture, Master talked about, "the appearance stems from the mind." Thinking about my aunt's attitude, it is a manifestation of our own poor xinxing, of selfishness and not looking within. Because of my improper cultivation state, there are constant family conflicts and my aunt remains on an evil path. All these are my own fault. How can I blame other people?

Master said,

"When required, you must be rational and clearheaded like a cultivator, allowing your responsibilities and righteous thoughts to direct you, and only then will your true shan be displayed. That is what's different about a cultivator and a divine being. And that is what compassion means--not some intentional display, show of human preference for this or that, or an instantiation of, "If you're good to me, then I will be shan toward you." It is offered unconditionally and has no thought of reward--it is fully for the sake of sentient beings. When this compassionate goodness emerges, its strength is without equal, and it will disintegrate any bad factors. The greater the compassion, the greater the power." ("Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference")

I realized that I have to change fundamentally and really let go of the anger towards my aunt. I need to treat her as a sentient being that is waiting to be saved and be truly compassionate to her. As long as the Fa-rectification has not ended, Master gives opportunities, even to spies. How can I not open my mind to save my relatives? I believe that, as long as I truly cultivate in Dafa, anything can be resolved.

Above are some current understandings of mine. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.