My Life Exists for the Fa and Cultivation Has Brought Me the Most Joy
(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings Compassionate Master! Greetings Fellow Practitioners!
When I came across Zhuan Falun one Autumn day in 1998, I eagerly borrowed the precious book to read at home. After browsing through the book in two days, I went to purchase a copy of my own. I also began to join the group exercise site near my home. Just like that, I entered the door of Dafa cultivation.
Before I obtained the Fa, I had stomach problems and gynecological abnormalities (with cysts in various places). So I was obsessed with getting my illnesses healed. After the persecution of Falun Gong began on July 20, 1999, I succumbed to the pressure and didn’t dare go out to do what a Dafa disciple should do. In the beginning I still managed to study the Fa and practice the exercises at home, but with my husband’s constant nagging about my practice, I gradually slacked off. I eventually stopped cultivation altogether in 2000. Not long after, I developed liver and heart problems, and I often felt fatigued.
I ran into a fellow practitioner at the end of 2004, and we talked for a long time. She soon sent me copies of Master’s new lectures and helped me resume my cultivation in Dafa. Every day I made good use of every bit of time I had to study the Fa, practice the exercises, send forth righteous thoughts and distribute materials exposing the facts about the persecution. Not long after, Master purified my body, and I again felt very energetic.
In August 2005 I was seized while distributing truth-clarification materials. Deceived by the officials' lies, I wrote statements to renounce my practice. One month later two newly detained practitioners were sent to my cell in the detention center, and with their help I awakened to my mistake. I went on a hunger strike to protest the persecution and soon began to display symptoms of sickness karma. Fearing responsibility for a negative outcome, the detention center released me on the 11th day of my hunger strike. Though I had to be carried back home, I soon regained my health with Master’s strengthening. I rejoined the current of Fa rectification by doing the three things.
1. Breaking Through the Obstacle of My Family Environment
After I was arrested for cultivation, my husband tried his best to stop me from practicing. At first I tried to study the Fa and practice the exercises behind his back, but he was still mad and found all kinds of excuses to scold me. After he returned home from work, he kept a close eye on me, not allowing me to practice the exercises. He once tried to stop me from doing the meditation, and I looked into his eyes to send forth righteous thoughts. Frightened, he yelled “Don’t look at me!” and raised his hands to beat me.
My husband is an alcoholic and has often acted like a devil. To make things worse, his work involved entertaining business partners about 3-5 times each week. Every time he came home drunk from dining outside, he’d beat and curse at me. Later he went so far as to threaten me with a kitchen knife in his hand. One night when he again grabbed a knife and stormed into the living room shouting profanities, I ran into the bedroom and locked the door. He kept yelling from outside the bedroom and demanded that I stop cultivation. I thought to myself that I must rectify my environment today. So I said to him sternly, “Let me make it clear to you today: I can give up anything but Dafa. No matter what tricks you play, it’s of no use!” He lowered his voice and cursed just a bit more before going to sleep. Since then my family environment has become much better.
With my deeper understanding of the Fa and with help from fellow practitioners, I came to a new understanding of my family situation. I realized that I had hatred toward and fear of my husband, and I wasn’t compassionate enough to him. In the meantime, there was also the element of the old forces taking advantage of my loopholes to persecute me. In addition, I found that my understanding of compassion was indeed very shallow. I always thought that being compassionate meant being submissive and obedient without any reservations. As such, I tried my best to tolerate my husband’s abuse of me. I had a full time job, yet I took care of his father and our child and did all the housework, including cooking all three meals every day. He, on the other hand, turned a blind eye to my contributions and devotion to the family and just knew to make trouble for me. I realized it was time to change this.
One night after my husband woke up from being drunk, I asked him, “Is there anything wrong with following the principle of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance to be a good person? Have I ever fought back when you beat or cursed at me?” He agreed that there was nothing wrong with trying to be a good person and admitted that I did always follow the principle of “Not Fighting Back when Beaten or Cursed.” I kept asking, “Then you surely noticed I’ve been taking care of everything in the house. Why do you still treat me like that? Do you think I’d behave the same way had I never cultivated Dafa?” He was rendered speechless, but then threatened to file for a divorce from me. I answered, “No problem. If you want a divorce, let’s do it first thing in the morning.” He was taken aback by my reply. The next morning when he got up, I reminded him to go file the divorce papers. He said he didn’t have time and rushed out. From then on he never mentioned anything about divorce, and he even began to help around the house. He also drank much less and cursed at me less often.
2. Becoming One Little Flower Among the Blossoms
There was a short supply of materials to expose the truth about the persecution in our local area, so I had the thought to establish a materials production site in my home.
When I shared the idea with fellow practitioners, two people running the existing materials production site began to help me plan the set-up. To overcome resistance from my husband, my son joined forces with us. He kept begging his father to buy a computer for him, and my husband eventually agreed. In mid-February 2008, my son and I brought our new computer and printer home. During the operation of the production site, I found that my biggest attachment was my fear of being caught by my husband. Once I was in the middle of a printing job in my home office when my husband got off work early. He wanted to find out what I was doing, but he couldn’t get into the locked office. While he kept pounding on the door, I quickly put away the printed materials and powered off the computer. He rushed inside after his father (who lived with us) opened the door with a key. Spotting the printer, which I didn’t get a chance to put away, he began to shout at me. I remained calm and put away the printer under his watch. There was another time when a similar situation occurred. It was again my father-in-law who opened the door for my husband. My husband stormed in to search everywhere for materials, but couldn’t find any. He said to me defeated, “Don’t you ever let me catch you making materials!” I thought to myself, “Well, if you don’t want to see that, then you’re never going to see me make materials.” He indeed never saw me printing materials from then on.
Making materials was also a process to improve my xinxing. I also experienced some miracles. One Friday I turned on the computer to download materials from the Minghui website, when during the process a thought suddenly flashed in my mind, “I forgot to connect the computer to the broad-band internet router.” However, I didn’t change anything and just kept letting it download. When I was done, I remembered that one thought and found that I indeed had forgotten to hook the machine up to the internet. I smiled lightly.
“Fix ourselves before fixing the machine” was an experience my fellow practitioners gained while producing materials. One Spring day in 2009, I was printing materials when the printer began to make a squeaking sound. I ignored the noise, but it only got louder and louder. So I began to send forth righteous thoughts to strengthen the printer and then look within. I found that I still had fear since I always worried that my neighbors might hear the sound of the printer. After sending forth righteous thoughts to eradicate my fear, I covered the printer with a cardboard box, comforter and down jacket. I next kept looking within and realized I not only had fear, but I also had developed the attachment of doing things just for the purpose of doing things. Moreover, I was inpatient. I began to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate all my attachments, as well as all the evil factors that interfered with my computer and printer. Three days later when I used the printer again, the annoying squeaking sound disappeared and everything was normal.
3. Distributing Materials to Expose the Truth About the Persecution
The first time I went out to distribute materials was in 2005. My heart was racing, and I had great difficulty moving my legs. As I gradually became more mature and improved my xinxing, I could get in and out of different styles of residential buildings to distribute the materials with ease.
When I went out to distribute materials on the morning of January 28, 2009, I came across an apartment building whose main entrance was locked. As I was trying to figure out how to get in, two people carrying Chinese New Year presents pressed the buzzer and the door opened. I quickly ran towards them and also got in before the door shut. I decided to work my way up in the building. When I got to the fifth floor, I heard footsteps from downstairs. I wasn’t deterred and kept going. No sooner had I hung the materials on each of the door knobs on the sixth floor when a man came up. I took a look at him and decided to go downstairs. He however suddenly blocked me and asked, pointing at the materials I hung up on the doors, “What’s this? Did you put that here?” I smiled at him, “How about you read it and find out for yourself?” He grabbed my backpack strap and questioned me, “What’s inside your bag? Let me check!” I thought to myself, “Master is by my side. What’s there to be afraid of?” I immediately felt the strengthening from Master, as if I was a giant divine being. I gently patted the man on the shoulder and smiled, “I’m delivering good fortune to people. Take a copy and go home to read. You will also receive good fortune.”
He let go of his grip and said with a low voice, “Falun Gong? I’ll let you go. I’m going up to the seventh floor to visit my friend. Even when I was still outside the building, I saw you come in and go up each floor. Quick! Leave!” I waved goodbye to him. When I turned around to go downstairs, I heard his voice, “Next time if you see any entrance door locked, just press the buzzer and tell them you’re the custodian. They’ll let you in.”
4. Persuading People to Quit the CCP and its Affiliated Organizations
I began to do the three withdrawals starting in 2005. I first worked on my family. The most deceived person in my family was my father. He exploded the first time I brought up the subject. The second time I made sure to send forth righteous thoughts before I talked to him. Still he was so angry that he shivered all over his body. Later when I visited him again, I changed my strategy.
I just talked to my mother about the importance of doing the withdrawals, with my father listening off on the side. Gradually he was not that against the withdrawals. My mother also tried her best to persuade him. Several months later my son presented a copy of pre-written statements of withdrawal to him saying, “Grandpa, please sign your name here.” My father took it to read, “Solemn Statement to Quit the CCP…” and he signed his name with a smile.
I had an old classmate who was a CCP member. The first time I mentioned the withdrawal to him, he just smiled and found an excuse to leave. The second time I saw him, he was still just smiling without making any commitment. He remained the same after I tried five more times. I wasn’t deterred. The eighth time we met, I again brought up the subject, but he didn’t say anything. Then two of my colleagues came in, and I pointed at him saying, “Do you know that he’s a CCP member?” One colleague said, “A CCP member? Help him quit!” Another colleague also chimed in, “Quick! Ask your classmate to do the withdrawal for you.” He was stunned by their words. I said to him, “Everybody around me did the withdrawals. What are you waiting for? I’d say quit!” He sat there pondering for a while. When he finished his business and was about to leave, I walked up to him again. This time he agreed to quit without any hesitation.
5. Experiencing the Wonder of Looking Within
Master said in “Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference,” “For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” In the beginning, I was just looking within superficially. I didn’t experience the wonder of looking within until October 2010.
My father-in-law, who had lived with us for eight years, moved to live with my husband’s older brother on February 28, 2010. Not long after, however, the city planning called for demolition of homes on my brother-in-law’s street. My husband wanted to buy a house for his father to live with his brother. I had no problem with the proposal, but it couldn’t be decided where to buy a new home. To my surprise, my husband went ahead and bought a new home behind my back. I was very upset after finding out. The next morning when I finished doing the exercises, I felt a burden on my chest. While cooking breakfast, I tried to figure out what was bothering me. Was it an attachment to material interests? I didn’t think so since I had long let go of my pursuit of material interests. Then was it my hatred? After all, I was mad that my husband didn’t tell me beforehand, and he now was the last person I wanted to see. Still, there was something missing. I went to work without being able to identify my root problem.
As I was sitting at my desk at work, I was still looking for my attachments. I wrote down everything I could think of: selfishness, material interests, hatred, … then a light bulb suddenly went off when I wrote the word “jealousy” on the paper, as it looked so foreign to me. I knew right away jealousy was my problem. I felt a jolt in my body, and the burden on my chest disappeared. It was truly an amazing experience!
Above are just some of my cultivation experiences. There was nothing extraordinary, but it wouldn’t have been possible without Master’s compassionate protection. I hereby express my sincerest thanks and gratitude to our revered Master. I thank Master for the constant protection!