(Clearwisdom.net)

I first came into contact with Dafa in 1994 and began practicing in 1996. For a long time, I was cultivating by myself. Thanks to Master's compassion and other practitioners' help, I was able to access the Minghui website at the end of 2008. In the early part of 2009, I began doing the three things and validating the Fa. I was a little late in joining the journey, since many practitioners started doing this years ago. It is easy to slack off when cultivating by oneself; there is no one else to remind you. I have a few thoughts I would like to share with other practitioners who started out late as well.

1. Use our hearts to validate the Fa

In the first half of 2010, my child became very irritable. Sometimes she would cry for over an hour. No matter how we tried to calm her, it didn't work. This lasted a few months. Suddenly one day, I noticed while I was playing with her that she was all right. What happened? I realized that it was because I was playing with her with all of my attention. From then on, I took care of her with attentiveness. Soon, her irritated state passed.

This turn of events made me think. I looked inward because I knew there were no coincidences in a cultivator's life. Since I began validating the Fa, I often did not pay attention to my daughter, with the excuse that I needed to validate the Fa. Actually I didn't do either well. When I was validating the Fa, I did not pay close attention, either, and was only going through the motions. When I tried to clarify the facts, I was not articulate. The worst part was that I was stuck at that level and did not even notice it.

Master said that anything a cultivator encounters is a good thing, and that we needed to look inward. In 2009, I began to clarify the facts to my family members. I also persuaded my father to quit the Chinese Communist Party. My father did not join the CCP until he retired. However, because of his fear of the CCP and worry for the safety of our family, he became angry as soon as I mentioned quitting the CCP. I could not keep good xinxing and argued with him a few times. Since I had the new understanding about attentiveness, I realized he was a victim, too. He had a great predestined relationship, which gave him so many chances to be saved. I stopped arguing with him. Instead, when the opportunity arose, I would say a few words that helped his understanding. I knew my parents loved their children. When my father saw the great benefits I enjoyed, surely he would be touched. Sometimes I couldn't clarify the facts with spoken words. I would write to him thoughtfully, and let him take his time to read it. I didn't want to give him everything in one fell swoop, so I wrote several times to explain things gradually. I believed that I could touch his heart if I used my heart. I wrote three articles for him, explaining how I encountered tribulations, how Dafa changed me, and how I began validating the Fa. After he read the three articles, I encouraged him again to quit the CCP. He was honest with me as well. He said he wanted to quit a while ago, and he regretted joining the CCP in the first place. But he was concerned about the consequences of quitting. I saw he was sincere, so I suggested that he quit the CCP online using a pseudonym. He gladly agreed. At that moment, I felt many mixed emotions.

1. It is easy to have the wrong understanding when cultivating alone

During my many years of cultivating by myself, I thought tribulations were just difficulties. When we suffered enough, the test would pass. After I began validating the Fa, I still had the same thought, and tried to avoid problems. I failed to distinguish between personal cultivation and Fa-validation cultivation. I didn't meet the requirements set by Master,

“When a problem arises, we have to examine ourselves first to see whether things are right or wrong on our part. If we determine that it is interference or damaging, when we deal with the specific problem we should try our best to be calm and kind to those people who are at the surface, because when the evil uses people, they usually aren’t aware of it themselves (although the people who are used are usually either people whose thoughts are bad or people who have bad thoughts arising). As for the interference by evil in other dimensions, we must seriously eradicate it with righteous thoughts. ”
(“Fa-Rectification and Cultivation” – Essentials for Further Advancement II)

I didn't transition well from personal cultivation to Fa-validation cultivation. Now, through diligent Fa-study, things are improving. I would like to share with everyone since I think that other practitioners cultivating by themselves might also make the same mistake.

1. Fear of thought karma

For a long time, I was disturbed by thought karma. After many years of cultivation, and since I began sending righteous thoughts in 2009, I felt better. However, occasionally the problem would return. I thought perhaps this was the biggest test for me.

Master said,

“Did you know that Fa-rectification disciples who aren’t able to come through the Fa-rectification period will not have another chance to cultivate, because throughout history you have already been given all the best things? Today you have barely had any hardship in your personal cultivation, and you haven’t been asked to bear the enormous sins yourselves that you committed over your many lifetimes. Meanwhile, I have enabled you to raise your levels in the fastest way, kept everything good from your past, replenished things with what’s better at every level for you, always given you in cultivation all the most magnificent things of every realm, and have made it possible for you to return after Consummation to your highest realm’s position.”
(“Fa-Rectification Period Dafa Disciples,” Essentials for Further Advancement II)

When I was doing personal cultivation, I slacked off often and was not very serious. I even thought that if I failed in this life, I could continue to cultivate in my next life. I was shocked when I read this passage. Recently, I wanted to break through my old state of Fa study. I began memorizing Zhuan Falun. I wondered why the words had not touched my heart, even though I read the book many times. Did the Master not take care of me? I truly feel that Master never abandoned me, even when I was stuck in personal cultivation for a long time. As long as I am a genuine practitioner, I should not have any attachment or fear of thought karma. The key question is whether I can treat myself as a genuine Dafa disciple and set high requirements for myself.

1. Fear of suffering

Because of a fear of suffering, for a long time, I could only sit with one leg crossed. In later 2010, I read Master's words,

“If a cultivator has cultivated pretty well but can’t sit in the lotus position, the Bodhisattvas above cover their mouths and laugh at him.”
(“Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Singapore”)

I tried to sit in the lotus position. The longest I did it for was about ten minutes. After a while, my will power weakened. I stopped sitting in the lotus position. A few days ago, I remembered Master's words again. I tried three times, and finally was able to sit in the lotus position. I sat for more than half an hour. I realized that as long as we have the desire, Master will show us the wonders of the Fa. As I was feeling intense pain from sitting in the lotus position I suddenly realized I should let go of my sensitivity to pain. As cultivators, we need to eliminate all attachments, including the fear of pain and suffering. Master said, “It’s hard to endure, but you can endure it. It’s hard to do, but you can do it.”(Zhuan Falun) If we can't even bear such little suffering, we would collapse with the slightest persecution by the evil. Before, I thought I was good at bearing hardships and letting go of life and death. But the issue of sitting in the lotus position showed me that my tolerance was very low. If we can't endure such minor suffering, how can we talk of letting go of life and death? We definitely have the ability to pass any test arranged by Master. If we don't pass it, the problem lies surely within us.

Time is fleeting. More and more, I feel that time passes by quickly no matter if I can do well or not. A few days ago, I had a dream. I was waiting for the bus with a former classmate from college. We were in a city. We waited the whole afternoon but did not see our bus. There were other buses, but their routes kept changing, and they kept skipping our stop. We waited until the evening, and there was still no bus. There was a hotel near the bus station. We decided to spend the night. There were four others waiting for the bus, and they stayed there as well. The next morning, when I woke up, it was 8:50 a.m. I suddenly remembered I had a test at 9. I looked around for the other four people, and learned they walked home over the course of the night. I became very anxious and began to pack up. To my surprise, I had a lot of clothes and other things. On the stairs there were also a lot of study material. I couldn't carry all of them with me. When I woke up the next morning, I was shaken up. I still had so many problems to solve. How could I attend the test if I slacked off and didn't hurry up? I had many attachments to eliminate and many things to finish.

Thank you Master for the reminder!