Regret Over Leaving Dafa Prompted Me to Return and Cultivate Diligently
(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings, revered Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
Thank you, Master, for giving the practitioners in Mainland China another chance to share experiences. I can still recall the Fahui from last year, which seems like it happened just yesterday. Below I would like to share my cultivation experience for the past few years, to report to Master and share with fellow practitioners.
1. Obtaining Dafa with Difficulty, Sorry to Have Found the Fa So Late
I felt it was not easy for me to obtain the Fa. Without Master's compassionate protection, I would still be an everyday person. The evil CCP brainwashing had made me an atheist since elementary school.
In the 1980s, Qigong was very popular in my hometown. Since my father's health was not good, he bought a qigong book and followed it to practice. His health improved. It made me feel the magic of qigong. In the mid-1990s, Falun Dafa spread widely across China, and one of my colleagues often read Dafa books at the office. When I had free time, I would borrow a Dafa book to read. Due to the restraint of atheism, I did not see the true meaning of Dafa. But the passages about avoiding calamities and the content about 3,000 worlds greatly impressed me. My colleague encouraged me to practice Falun Gong, too, but I did not take it seriously.
In order to overturn my notions of atheism, Master arranged for me to study Chinese medicine with my uncle in 1994. My uncle used both Chinese medicine and the subject of sorcery to treat his patients. I saw many phenomena that could not be explained by evolution or materialism, and it made me very curious. In the end, I had to acknowledge that there were gods and ghosts in the world. Strangely, my uncle only taught me the methods of Chinese medicine, but not the subject of sorcery, no matter how much I begged him. Now I understand that Master was protecting me.
In 1997, due to serious insomnia, I started to cultivate Dafa, after being persuaded by my neighbor. After practicing the exercises for just a few days, I could sleep very well at night. I was very excited and thought that Dafa was magnificent and its effect in eliminating illness was marvelous. My father also started practicing Falun Gong when someone else persuaded him. But what I regret the most was that I did not cherish Dafa after I acquired it. I did not study Zhuan Falun very well and practiced the exercises in a leisurely fashion and at irregular intervals. When the practitioner from my neighborhood called me, I went to practice for a little while. I hardly did the fifth exercise at all. Even so, compassionate Master still cleaned out my body for me. But I was so ignorant and stubborn that I could not let go of human emotions. I gave up cultivating Falun Dafa in 1998. When the evil CCP started to persecute Dafa in 1999, I even believed the CCP's lies and avoided Dafa.
After I left Dafa, my old illnesses soon came back, and I also had new ones. All my illnesses were difficult to treat. In addition, I had bad relationships with my colleagues due to my pride in my own competence. When I was in this desperate state, compassionate Master did not give up on me. Through a job move, he arranged for me to be in the same office as a very diligent practitioner. With that practitioner's help, I returned to Dafa in 2006. After reading all the available Dafa books, I was so full of remorse that I wept. I was so regretful that I had left Dafa ignorantly before and had wasted so much time. If I had not left Dafa, I could cultivate much better now. If I had not left Dafa, I could have saved more sentient beings. If I had not left Dafa, I could have cultivated with my father and gone through tribulations with him, and perhaps he would not have passed away so early in 2002. If I had not left Dafa, I could have told my uncle the horrible consequences of using the subject of sorcery to treat patients, and he may not have passed away in extreme pain. I told the practitioner I was very regretful. The practitioner comforted me, saying, “You need to get back up on your feet right away. It is no use just regretting. You need to cherish your time to do the three things well to make up for the wasted time."
2. Being Strict with Myself and Cultivating My Xinxing Diligently--Praised by Colleagues
When I was an everyday person, I had strong emotions and I was clear about love and hate. Some of it was due to my previous life. Most of it was due to the poisoning of the communist culture. I considered myself smart and criticized those I looked down on, and I was jealous if people did better than me. At my mother's home, I often argued and fought with her and my siblings. In school, I fought with my classmates and no one wanted to play with me. After I started to work, I had conflicts with colleagues at work, and no one wanted to be my friend. After I got married, I fought with my husband, my mother-in-law, and my sisters-in-law. My husband wanted to divorce me. After I studied Dafa, I realized how ridiculous I had been, and how tiny I was before Dafa. I firmly made up my mind to give up all human notions, including fame, personal interests, and emotions. Although I understood the Fa, my life challenges have been truly heart-wrenching and agonizing at times.
Looking Inward While Facing Criticism
One morning at work, the leader assigned me one more task, and I agreed to take it on. But I knew from before that this task had already been assigned to another group. I asked the leader whether he had already told the other group, so as to avoid conflicts. The leader said, “No need. No one wanted more tasks. Everyone now prefers to do fewer, not more, things.”
Two persons in the other group soon heard about it. When I entered the office, those two people started to plot with each other to criticize me. They felt that I had shown off in front of the leader in order to get the good tasks for myself. I realized that they misunderstood the situation, and I immediately explained to one of them. That person realized that he had misjudged me and said nothing more about it. But the other, older colleague (who had just been transferred to our office) no longer had someone to listen to his feelings on the matter, so he shouted more loudly. I tried to explain to him, but he didn't listen.
I had never before in my life had this kind of behavior directed at me. In the past, it was always me who shouted at others. Now it was turned against me. I wanted to get mad, but I remembered what Master taught us,
“But we’ve said that as a practitioner, you shouldn’t hit back when attacked, or talk back when insulted.” (Zhuan Falun)
I calmed down and waited until he had finished yelling at me. Then I explained things to him calmly. The team leader also verified it. He then stopped shouting at me, but called the leader and shouted at him until the leader apologized. He then forced the leader to give the task back to him.
I thought the crisis had passed, but surprisingly, the older colleague did not let it go and always suspected that I had played a trick on them. Three days later, when he thought of it again, he was still angry and found fault with me and the leader again, without using my name specifically. Then he did it again and again after one month, three months, and by the end of the year. During that time, some colleagues told me, “You really have a good temper. He shouted at you, but you still smiled at him. If I were you, I would have started a fight with him.” I smiled, “That's OK. He might be feeling resentful that the leaders didn't recognize that he did a lot of work. Just let him go. Anyway, he didn't mention my name.” The colleague smiled and left.
I shared this with a senior practitioner. In the beginning, I felt I did well. But the practitioner asked me to look inward. I looked inward carefully, and it scared me. I found I had very strong tendencies toward pride in my own competence, as well as jealousy, showing-off mentality, attachment to vanity, unwillingness to be criticized, and other human attachments that were deeply hidden. The older colleague’s behavior was a mirror for me, and I should thank him sincerely. He helped me find all those attachments. After a while, this colleague also sincerely told me that I was a very kind person.
Not Moved by Monetary Reward
The place where my registered residence had been located became the site of a demolition project. Since my job relocation, I no longer lived there. According to the rules, I should not be compensated, but many people had figured out a lot of ways to get below-market-value houses as compensation. My relatives on my mother side also wanted to get a below-market-value house for me. They asked me to send my (previous) registered residence to them so they could get a house for me, too. If the house was resold at market value, I could earn 200 to 300 thousand yuan. I first thanked my relatives and then told them it didn't conform with the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, and that I could not take the house. All my relatives from my father and mother's sides came to persuade me to use my registered residence to get the house. I told them the principle of “no loss, no gain.”
My relatives were all convinced. My second elder sister said, “These days no one doesn't love money and everyone tries their best to get money. Only you practitioners don't love money.” I said, “A nobleman treasures wealth, but he makes his fortune in decent ways. If I deserve it, I will take it. If it does not belong to me, I won't take it. Otherwise the people will see, 'He practiced Falun Gong, but he also did dishonest things.' This will destroy the reputation of Falun Gong. I could not do that.” Some relatives said, “If everyone in society could be like you practitioners, were not greedy, and could think of others all the time, society would be much more peaceful now.” I took this opportunity to clarify the truth to them.
Since everything I say and do is righteous, my relatives and friends all sincerely acknowledged Dafa, although they were still afraid of the CCP. My husband often praised my virtue and ability in front of others and told my relatives that he also refused others' bribes, due to my influence. My cousin told me that I should not tell my husband Falun Dafa is good due to his fear of the CCP. My husband immediately told him, “She did the right thing. Without people like her, human greed would take over and people would do anything.” Actually, my cousin later mentioned to others that my husband and I were honest and that he admired us.
3. Exploring the Minghui Website with Ease--Establishing a Family Materials Production Site
Exploring the Minghui Website
When I had just come back to Dafa, I basically cultivated by myself alone and only had a chance to communicate with one practitioner. With the help of that diligent practitioner, I improved fast. I really cherished the opportunity to share experiences with him. Later, due to all kinds of reasons, I could no longer communicate with that practitioner. He advised me to buy a laptop to explore the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom.net) so that I could share experiences with practitioners all around the world. I was a little hesitant. I had no knowledge of computers, and I didn't even know where the 26 letters were located on the keyboard. Before I cultivated Dafa, I thought I would never learn to use a computer in my lifetime. But now I needed to use a computer to validate Dafa. The practitioner encouraged me, and said that it was not difficult. So I learned the basic operations from everyday people. Soon I knew how to type and access the Internet.
I bought a computer. The practitioner installed a clean system and software for me and demonstrated how to break through the CCP's Internet blockade to safely explore the Minghui website. I have since been able to explore the Minghui website. I felt really good exploring the site. I could read Master's new articles for the first time. I could see the magnificence of Falun Dafa spreading around the world. I could find out when the practitioners in China were being persecuted by the CCP so I could send forth righteous thoughts in time to help them, and I could send persuasive letters to the CCP officials to help stop the persecution. I could also read about all the practitioners around the world sharing their valuable experiences, to help rectify myself. I could learn a lot of computer techniques. I also saved a lot of paper. If all practitioners could read the Minghui website, we could print fewer copies of the Minghui Weekly.
In addition to downloading truth-clarifying materials, I also submitted the names of the people who withdrew from the CCP and its affiliated organizations to the website in order to reduce fellow practitioners' burdens. I also tried to write some articles, and submitted them to Minghui. Most of them were published. It took a few days to write and type the papers since I was not skilled in typing on the computer. But, to my mind, the Minghui website is our home and we all maintain it, and we could not just not contribute. So when the Minghui editors call for papers, I always participate. Actually the process of writing an article is also a process of cultivating xinxing. We need to overcome any laziness or anxiousness as we write. After we submit the paper, we need to overcome our attachment of pursuing fame. If the article is published, we need to overcome our attachments of zealotry and showing off. If it is not published, we need to overcome our disappointment. Actually, writing the article is not difficult. As long as we have a pure heart while writing, we can just write as usual and write what we think. We don't need to have any special literary skills. We are validating the Fa instead of ourselves.
In a word, the Minghui website is an inexhaustible treasure. I suggest that all practitioners explore the site. It is a Dafa practitioner's home. If I don't visit Minghui one day, I feel very uncomfortable, as if something is lacking. Unless there is a special situation, I never stay out; I always figure out a way to return home no matter how late it is. First, there is no environment to study the Fa and practice the exercises when I am out. Second, I can't visit the Minghui website. My friends and relatives laugh at me and say, “It looks like you have some treasures at home and are afraid the treasure might be stolen.” I smile and respond, “You're right!”
Everyone Can Establish a Materials Production Site
In the beginning, all the new articles and truth-clarifying materials I read were provided by fellow practitioners. I didn't ask where the materials came from. I once gave a practitioner over 2,000 yuan and asked him to give the money to the materials production site. The practitioner said, “You could use the money to buy some equipment and produce materials yourself.” I was surprised to hear that, since I had never thought of producing the materials myself.
I later explored the Minghui site and read articles about how practitioners established a family materials site. I gradually thought that I could establish such a site, too. After I shared my idea with other practitioners, they supported me. I first went to the computer store to purchase a CD burner, then I bought a printer, and I set up a materials production site.
Although it sounded easy on paper, when I actually did it, I still had some difficulties. Because it was a family site, I had to research all the techniques by myself. For a variety of reasons, the practitioner who shared the experience with me could not come to my home to solve the technical problems I had. Sometimes when I had technical difficulties, the practitioner could only describe the details to me. Since I lacked basic knowledge of how to use a computer, I was still confused. Sometimes I really admired the practitioners who had established materials sites, and had other practitioners with technical knowledge to help them. But I had to do it by myself. Sometimes I was so puzzled that I wanted to stop doing it, but I thought again that with Master and the Fa, we should be able to pass all the tests. So I turned off the computer and did something else to cool myself down. I studied the Fa, read practitioners' articles, or sat in meditation. Often when I sit in mediation, I suddenly get an idea. I try it and it works. Sometimes when I have technical difficulties, I learn from other practitioners. One time, I looked inward first, then asked Master to help me, then I communicated with the computer. Finally, I randomly touched the keyboard. The problem was solved! When things like this happen, I always gratefully give thanks for Master's help.
I sometimes joked with practitioners that I was smarter and smarter and becoming more and more capable. Actually, we all knew that Master did everything and we just moved our hands. During the process, Master wants us to eliminate our attachments.
When I look back, I realize it was not difficult to establish a family materials site. I had no computer knowledge before, yet I could nonetheless make beautiful materials. All practitioners should also be able to do that. As long as you have the righteous thoughts and strong determination to eliminate the attachment of relying on others, Master will help you.
4. Validating the Fa in Multiple Ways--Saving Sentient Beings with Wisdom
Distributing Materials and Sending Truth-clarifying Letters
I always produce only as many materials as I need to distribute and never stockpile materials. I always buy the best production supplies and don't begrudge the money. The most DVDs I made were for the Shen Yun Performance, the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, and Traveling Heaven and Earth Through Wind and Rain. I downloaded brochures from the Minghui website and printed them myself. I usually chose the time just after dark to hand out the materials since people usually have dinner at home or walk outside from building to building. Before I passed out the materials, I usually sent forth righteous thoughts at home and asked Master to strengthen me. On the way to give out the materials, I kept sending righteous thoughts. After I arrived, I put the materials in the place I chose in just one to two seconds. It was very easy. When it was raining, I wore a raincoat to the community district with surveillance cameras to distribute the materials. Every day I also took some materials with me. When I saw an appropriate place, I left a brochure.
I also send truth-clarifying letters. Not many practitioners are currently sending letters. I asked my relatives to buy some stamps for me and I also bought stamps at different locations. When others asked why I bought so many stamps, I just told them that I collected stamps. I bought the envelopes from wholesale stores. The contents of the letters usually are “A letter to the predestined people,” “Who is committing crimes,” “Believing in Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is legal, and persecuting Falun Gong is a crime,” “An open letter to all levels of the Chinese police, Procuratorate, courts, and government officials,” or “A letter to kind people.” I usually send letters to the police, Procuratorate, court, and government officials and their relatives listed on the Minghui website. I've also sent letters to people I knew when it was not convenient to clarify the truth face to face. The content of the letter needs to take into consideration the person's status and situation. I used different color pens and different fonts to write letters, and used different stamps. I only put one letter in the same mailbox each time. The return address on the envelope is a problem. I usually searched the addresses near the mailbox and wrote it in the notebooks. I kept sending righteous thoughts while writing the envelope and dropping it in the mailbox. Every time I finish anything Dafa-related, I always thank Master.
Clarifying the Truth and Saving the Sentient Beings
In the beginning, since I had been brainwashed by the evil CCP since childhood, I didn't understand how to persuade people to withdraw from the CCP and its affiliated organizations. I had the thought, “Since Master asked us to do it, then I should do it” to persuade people to quit the CCP. The result was certainly not good. When someone heard me, they immediately said, “Don't tell me this. I don't participate in politics.”
I was puzzled. Practitioners asked me to study the Fa well, watch the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party DVD, and listen to the Dissolving the Culture of China's Communist Party, and learn how other practitioners persuaded people to quit the CCP. After I studied for a while, I deeply understood the evil nature of the CCP, and that its goal is to drag all the Chinese people and even all people around the world to its endless hell. I suggest that practitioners who don't completely understand “Persuading people to withdraw from CCP and its affiliated organizations” to listen to Dissolving the Culture of China's Communist Party three times. I believe you will understand Master's compassion and the ultimate evil of CCP, and you will understand the urgency of clarifying the truth and saving sentient beings.
Initially I clarified the truth to my mother and father's close relatives and persuaded them to quit the CCP. They worried that I would be persecuted by the CCP. They all came to persuade me, “Since you think Falun Dafa is good, you can practice at home. Please don't go outside to tell others.” I used the opportunity to clarify the truth to them and give them truth-clarifying materials and DVDs. When they came to my home I also played the truth-clarifying DVDs for them. In addition, I was strict with myself based on the Fa. They all saw a Dafa practitioner's Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance as well as my healthy body and energetic spirit. Gradually they accepted the truth and withdrew from the CCP and its youth organizations. Sometimes they also unwittingly helped me validate the Fa. When others asked them why I practiced Falun Gong, they said, “She didn't have a healthy body and good temper before. After she began practicing Falun Gong, she became healthy and her temper improved. Falun Gong has had a really good effect on eliminating her illness and strengthening her body.”
I then started to clarify the truth to my relatives and friends and encourage them to quit the CCP. First I clarified the truth based on my personal experience. Due to the CCP's lies and rumors, they resisted, since they were afraid of being implicated. Some were even afraid to meet with me anymore, so I had to send them truth-clarifying letters. Later I changed my strategy of clarifying the truth. When they came to my home, I clarified the truth from a third party point of view. My guests usually found it easier to accept what I said. Then I told them I had relatives who lived in other countries. When they came to visit me, they all told me that Falun Gong was very popular overseas and that there were people in over 100 countries practicing Falun Gong. Many people in Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Macau practice it. Almost 600,000 people in Taiwan practice Falun Gong. Only mainland China prohibits the practice of Falun Gong. The guest will naturally ask why. I then use a third party point of view to tell them about the CCP's history of killing people and the truth about Falun Gong. I analyze the Tiananmen Square Self-immolation from a medical point of view. I tell them about the corruption of the CCP and the natural disasters. I tell them about the rock formation with the characters "Death to the CCP" mysteriously carved into it, and that the heavens are going to eliminate the CCP. Then I naturally go on to talk about withdrawing from the CCP and its organizations. Most of them have agreed to quit the CCP. As I am encouraging them, I am also sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil factors and beings that control them. If there is enough time, I also play the DVDs “Traveling Heaven and Earth Through Wind and Rain” and “Prophecy and Life.” I also give truth-clarifying materials to some of them and ask them to let their families read them.
Sometimes I've also clarified the truth to strangers on the road and persuaded them to quit the CCP. I treat everyone equally, whether they were beggars or just asking for directions. But I don't do it very well. I need to have a breakthrough in the future.
When I first listened to the song “Eulogy for Master's Grace,” I could not help crying. I cried for Master enduring such tremendous tribulations to save us. I cried for the ignorance and confusion of the sentient beings. And I cried for not advancing diligently. When I heard, “We come for the sentient beings. Assisting Master in Fa-rectification we are not afraid of the bitter sea,” I was shocked. Since we came down to this world for the sentient beings, why are we still indecisive? Let us cherish the short time left to diligently do the three things Master has asked us to do, and return consummated with Master without regret.